Handy Man

I've heard it said that boys never really grow up, they just get bigger/more expensive toys. I assumed this saying was referring to those guys who fill their garages with four-wheelers, snowmobiles, and boats. I'm learning otherwise; it's becoming apparent that Jared has simply swapped his Tinkertoys and Construx for two-by-fours and copper pipe, and that our house is his biggest, best, most expensive toy ever.

I wish I could tell you what all this stuff does.
(Short answer: it heats our house.)

I wish I could tell you what this stuff does, too.

(Short answer: Well, I know it's called a network box. . .)

My mother-in-law says that she always meant to get a sandbox for Jared, because he loved creating, building, and digging. I tell her she can stop feeling bad that the sandbox never happened, because now he has something even better: a tractor and a backyard.

Just imagine how wonderful to have your own house, where you can knock holes in the walls. . .

Inaugural Hole, circa 2007

. . .jackhammer up the floor. . .

The Great Floor Drain Migration of 2011

. . .and dig giant holes in the yard. . .

groundbreaking for The Great Wall of Ridgeview, circa 2009

all without getting in trouble with your parents. There is, however, still the issue of the wife. . .Jared deals with this by throwing me a bone every so often in order to maintain a generous WAF*

"You want recessed lighting in the living room? I can do that."

"Okay, we can use landscape rock instead of cinderblock for the retaining wall. . ."

"How about some shelving in our closet?"

So living with a handyman certainly does have its perks. Other times. . .well. . .you know how when you leave a dog home alone, sometimes they get bored and trash the house just to keep busy? Now imagine that your dog had opposable thumbs and access to a crowbar:

(When funds run low but you're hankering for some home improvement,
just remember Jared's motto: demolition is cheap. Fun, too.)

Why do I put up with it? I can think of three primary reasons:
1) I have faith that it'll be worth it. There are things I want done that I believe will be done someday, if only I can be patient for now. (Wow, that sounds almost spiritual, doesn't it?)
2) I'm cheap. Sure, my general contractor may be slow as molasses, but he works for free.
3) I love my husband, and I recognize that having projects to work on makes him unbelievably happy. Some husbands find happiness in watching "the game" every weekend, or collecting the latest techie gadgets, or spending a day on the golf course. Mine just happens to find his bliss operating heavy machinery.


*WAF = Wife Acceptance Factor, a term Jared's coworker came up with to describe the level of inconvenience/noise/mess your wife is willing to accept. The WAF is, of course, dynamic. Pregnancy tends to dramatically decrease the WAF, as does forgetting your wife's birthday--but you can easily increase your WAF through such simple acts as mopping the kitchen floor, cooking dinner, and getting up with the baby. It's always wise to double-check your WAF before embarking on a new project. Unless you enjoy sleeping on the couch.